Poles being pulled out of men’s rectums.

Most of the email’s I got, were about this! So I will tell this story first! Cut a long one short… it was friday afternoon… the time my roommate and I take turns, running for the border (colombo), and I was all packed and ready to go. hell, i was packed at 5 am, but we had to do our rounds etc etc… but the time was here.. and i was psyched! i grab by now hacked bright blue backpack and plan my sneak out of the back of the hospital. I was just locking the door, from the out side. now I had 2 choices here.. just ignore.. i mean, they would have called my partner in crime’s mobile, hell it might even be for my other roommate who was not even in out ward, but the sucker in me won over. mr. goody two shoes, unlocked the door, and threw the pack down and grabbed at the phone… “doctor, come quick, there is a patient with a pole in his ass” (in singhalese) “nurse? what? say that again?” “doctor come quick there is a patient with the pole stuck in his ass” ok.. now i was no longer a newbee. I had seen the blood an gore, literally to speak, and was phased by little. and this was one of those moments. so i couldn’t be bothered taking two trips back to the ward and then back to the room to pick up my pack before catching a bus back home. so i did the most ridiculous thing, i carried this bright blue back pack right thru the entire hospital (making my stealth-like escape a little “un-stealth”. I park the pack at the ground floor of my ward, at the telephone operators office, who used to always help us out. (another story). So here am in my morning clothes, the only thing giving me any significance is the steth around my neck. (here in sri lanka a path clears if u have a steth around ure neck. it doesnt happen in any other part of the world i have been too. you should try it, its pretty trippy) ok, the steth was not to give my self an ego trip but to literally clear a part to the victim, as it was visiting hours, and it was impossible to move. the downside to wearing a steth is that u get swapped by questions about when a patient can go home.. but i put a purposeful look and walked purposefully (yes i know i used it twice) towards “craytb”. ok i used to give my patients names. that way i could remember them on ward rounds, and to treat them in an emergency. “craytb” meant he was crazy and had Tuberculosis..ok now before i get emails saying this is unethical, it was just a way to remember over a hundred different patients all the time…constantly changing. maybe now my song names will make sense. anyways… he was all the way in the back in “isolation” (ok, i have to laugh, when i look at isolation at the hospital i’m at, where they FREAK if uhave chicken pox (ok, me two – i’ve acclimatized!) and the isolation room i was walking towards. just two curtains. i’m thinking walking towards him, that this is PROBABLY why we never SAW him pushing in the pole… turns out i was wrong.. as the story goes, he had found the pole in the bathroom (who take a pole to the bathroom and leave it there- the next day the head nurse told all other other patients not to take poles to the bathroom and leave them there), and decided how far he could shove it up his ass. all the way apparently. He was lying there in pain, but content with his sense of accomplishment, be it getting me there, or the pole up there. So we got it out. I HAD to measure it for legal purposes, from what i remember it was huge, 14 inches long and 3 and half inches in diameter. straight. thankfully, ot it would have turned the corner, and i wouln’t be on a baila playing bus in half an hour, but in surgery. but we got it out. u know what’s really funny… the music i’m writing this to is U2’s “one”. and the line “one life, you’ve got to do what you should”. er.. ok.

~ by aadhilaziz on March 8, 2008.